The desire to flee the familiar when you’re nursing a broken heart is strong, but some destinations can heighten your sense of loss rather than help you forget it.

It’s a rite of passage that few miss. I was 28 years old when I truly felt it for the first time. It was a short relationship that was intensified by timing; he was moving overseas in six months, I was not. It was one of the rare times I threw caution to the wind in hopeful lovesick optimism that somehow it would all work out. Cut to me six months later crying in the bathroom at Sydney International Airport after a gut-wrenching farewell. The next few months were hard. There were reminders of him everywhere. I was desperate for a change of scenery when a Groupon deal too good to miss hit my inbox. This was exactly what I needed. Within two weeks I was boarding a flight with a good friend to Long Island in the Whitsundays.

I imagined days spent stand-up paddleboarding, reading by the water and cocktails with my friend would be my ticket to fast-tracking the healing process. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I want to shake my younger self. In what world would a romantic island holiday destination – that literally involves long stretches of time where you do absolutely nothing, are surrounded by couples, and it costs nearly $50 to get a ferry off the island to explore – be a good idea? It seems obvious now. But I feel it is my duty to pass the lesson on. Do not let a cheap, exotic island holiday deal fool you. No matter how broke and desperate you are. You will spend the whole time apologising to your friend for being the world’s worst company.

Other holidays you’ll want to scratch from the list include a tiny home stay – isolation is not your friend, a health retreat sounds like a good idea but no amount of yoga or kale smoothies is going to help, and especially avoid travelling solo during a festive holiday like Christmas – you’ll feel desperately alone; think Cameron Diaz in The Holiday. Sure, she got Jude Law, but there’s a reason the movie ends on New Year’s Eve – that relationship was destined for a fate similar to my own. But where should you go for a post-breakup escape?

According to a recent study by research platform Journo Report, the best place to recover from a broken heart is a city – and there are 10 cities in which you’ll fare better than others. They analysed more than 80 destinations around the world, looking at factors such as the safety index, nightlife, price of hotels and meals for one as well as the number of single-occupancy households to deliver a list of cities that are safe havens for those travelling solo while harbouring heartache.

Hong Kong, with its culture of dining alone, affordable food and drink, safety and opportunity for connection (30 million international travellers visit annually) came in at number one. Followed closely by London for its vibrant nightlife, slightly cheaper hotels (compared to Hong Kong) and opportunity to meet new people. The city that never sleeps took out third place – unsurprising; who can sleep with a broken heart? But many New Yorkers also live alone, which means the city already caters well to singles. Zurich in Switzerland and Seoul in South Korea came in fourth and fifth respectively.

The best cities to recover from heartbreak at a glance:

1. Hong Kong
2. London, United Kingdom
3. New York, US
4. Zurich, Switzerland
5. Seoul, South Korea
6. Milan, Italy
7. Geneva, Switzerland
8. Rome, Itay
9. Amsterdam, Netherlands
10. Edinburgh, United Kingdom

But where do you go if you don’t have the funds to splash on an overseas heal-my-heart-holiday? On the surface, a road trip seems like a bad idea, but I think I’ve done my best healing work while driving – blasting a playlist of heartbreak hits, the wind in your hair as you follow the wide-open road makes for some pretty great therapy.

The Great Ocean Road consistently tops the list of best road trips in Australia and having made the trip from Melbourne to Warrnambool with a friend I can wholeheartedly vouch for its heart-mending possibilities. I have vivid memories of jaw-dropping sunsets, vibrant restaurants, strawberry picking and long stretches of time laughing and telling stories while driving.

I’d also recommend a road trip around Tasmania. I spent seven days with a friend driving the winding roads of the island state from Launceston and back via Cradle Mountain, Hobart and Coles Bay after another breakup. I poured my energy into planning each day – there was no way I was leaving this trip to chance. My friend, just as enthusiastic for me to be over my most recent heartbreak as me, infused the trip with as much fun and energy as she could muster.

But as I write this a decade later, recalling all the trips I made while nursing a broken heart, perhaps the real medicine wasn’t the destination at all but the people I got to share it with. There are few heartbreaks in life that a good friend, a well-planned trip and time can’t heal. Hang in there (and never book an island holiday).

Where have you travelled to recover from a broken heart? Share in the comments below.